the beginning.

I am not sure if I chose this project or if the project chose me. But almost immediately after writing that little blurb about the "Nest Chapter", I went to the Sandy Springs library and saw uncut grass, bare spots, trash, debris, dead trees, downed trees, weeds, no flowers, ugliness. As I do all the time, I recruited Don. We went to the library and cut, weed eated and blew the lawns. I picked up trash. and then, I called the county. No, the grass has not been cut this year. No, the grass isn't going to be cut this year. I had to do something. I organized. I called my pastor. I need the football players from his school. Done. I called my friend who employed M. I need a big old pine tree removed. Done. I bumped into my friends down the street who are connected to all the power people in Sandy Springs. I need help in the library. They gave me names, phone numbers, email addresses. I emailed my city councilman, Gabe Sterling. And we started to work. So, yes, I spent my summer at the library. I went 2-3 days a week for 45 minutes or so to put out wood chips. My dear, sweet husband weed eated. The football players weeded, wood chipped, picked up trash. I emailed the school to ask for help for the garden. Everyone said yes except the developer across the street. And he really didn't say no, he just never called me back. I am going to call him today and ask for $. In the process, I have met amazing people. People who spend THEIR free hours putting art in public spaces. Mothers who are in that stage of life moving children from one place to another but are still willing to call Fulton Co. and ask for the money they were promised. Homeless people who live at the library. People whose mom, grandmother, aunt were part of the early years of Sandy Springs who wanted beautiful public spaces. And so, I thought I would jot down what I have started to call in my head "Tales of the Garden".

Free

I realized yesterday that I had done it. I finished. My boys were both graduated from high school and even if I died on the spot, they had all the tools that I wanted them to have so long ago to make it. Whether they do or not is up to them. Even if I wanted to predict/manipulate that, I couldn't. The weird thing was, I had that same terrifying vision so very long ago in the same place although not the same time. I had brought M and C to Destin by myself. I was still drinking at the time so that was prior to Thanksgiving, 2001. And I KNEW that my job -- my calling, if I might be so bold, was to ensure that these two made it and made it okay. I thought of all the things that I felt they had to know -- how to use money, the value of a good companion, how to be friends with your brother, how to eat, how to work hard, how to find enjoyment. How to be reasonably clean in your home, your self, your clothing. How to stake out your position in life but still listen and enjoy the opinions of others. And I was afraid. Afraid I would die before this happened and would leave the care of these two to D. Afraid that I would not be up to the task. Afraid that they would not make it. And I have skated so close to the edge with both of them. I have felt that I would lose one or both of them at any given time due to lack of attention, planning, finances, my own selfishness. But I have done it and now I am looking for the next chapter of my life. So, what is that to be? What will I do with my time, energy and talent? Here are a couple of thoughts: I do not want to be the pusher/prodder of M & C. I do want to be the pusher/prodder of myself. I do not want to be the enabler of M & C. I do want to equip myself for this next phase. I want to be strong and fit in body. I want to explore new ideas. I want to grow intellectually. I want to learn new ways to express myself. And so, my new life is a Nest phase as well. Except the nestling is me.